On the state of our world
Sometime yesterday the words started flowing. I wrote them down or typed them into my notes app as quickly as I could. The bulk came out this morning while journaling. As with many of you fellow writers, artists and the like, when inspiration hits and we open the channel to receive whatever Divine wisdom is ready to be expressed - we must answer the call.
It is a calling to share these messages…questions I am asking of myself and of all of us. Much of what comes up in my post-cult recovery are the parallels of my individual experience with coercive control, oppression, manipulation and mind control with the forces at place in our larger society. This is different that my usual posts - meaning, there’s not much editing or focus on structure, rather a free flow of thoughts and my exploration on the concepts of the wildness of the human spirit and our innate right to freedom.
I awoke this morning haunted by and feeling grief about the state of humanity. The ways in which we have so deeply separated ourselves from each other, from Source and from ultimately any semblance of truth…many times it feels like we’ve lost the point. I thought of all of those who are still in the cult(s) I left and all those in the world who remain indoctrinated in one way or another to some system of beliefs that isn’t theirs, whether it’s a familial, religious, corporate, cultural, or other.
While I have acted with courage many times in life (you know, like that time I left a cult), there are certainly times I have not. This is a call to connect more deeply with my bravery to ask more of myself and I share these thoughts with you as call to all of us to look at how we navigate and contribute to this world.
I don’t have all the answers, but in posing these questions and expressing these thoughts the intent here is to plant another seed in the collective consciousness for us to rise from fear into Love. For us to take greater personal accountability. It’s a cliche, but “Be the change you want to see” really does ring true here.
That’s my work as I move forward in life. Perhaps it’s part of our human assignment. Maybe some of you feel the sameTo shift from fear to Love and to be the guideposts, way-showers and helping hands for others who are reaching for their courage, freedom, truth and safety. And I get it, it’s deeper and more complex than that - systemic issues, centuries of patterned human behavior, violence, greed, etc - there are dark forces in this world.
Can we find a way to overcome? Or even make a difference?
To those who cannot
Perhaps the rarest quality in the world is the expression of truth. That raw, honest vulnerability expressed in the company of others without agenda. The color and sound of truth - authenticity.
The heart. You feel it in your bones, chills, and waves of energy through your body. The bell of clarity ringing.
There is so much cowardice in the world. We justify and rationalize it as protection…of our livelihood, reputation, business and what have you…but at the end of the day, it’s cowardice.
To those who cannot reconcile their cognitive dissonance, who cannot speak up, who are not open to perspective shifts and the many facets of the human experience. To those who alter and censor…
To those who betray their own hearts, who punish themselves [and others], who blame…
To those who cannot recognize the Divine within and that sacredness, which is the same that also lies in you. We are the whole. We are each other. Mirrors.
To those who cannot become the master of themselves and instead choose someone else to be their master…
I love you. I see you you. I’m angry with you. I’m terrified of you. I want to save you. I know I can’t save you. I understand you. I’ve been you.
This is your invitation to step into freedom.
It takes an extraordinary amount of bravery to leave a cult, high control group, or narcissistically abusive relationship or environment…if that’s even an option. For many, this is not an option. Physical safety and life is at risk. I love you, I cry for you. How can I help you? How can WE help you. How can we end the atrocities of exploitation, trafficking, genocide and oppression that seem to be dominating our world in these times.
To those who have been victimized, who have been left for dead…there are people here on the other side who can help you find safety and freedom again. There are those of us who cry with you and who stand with you not just in spirit, but in taking action.
You can run, but you can’t hide
The element of cowardice, sneaky…slippery…like smoke, slowly seeping into our hearts and minds. We justify and rationalize it. We’re just protecting our reputation, our livelihood, our business, our brand. We don’t want to cause drama. We don’t want to be associated with that “bad thing.” It’s not worth it…what have you…
At the end of the day, it’s fear.
It saddens me and yet, I’ve come to expect it: cowardice. The norm. The easy way out. The “Well, I’m not going to say anything, because then I might not work again (rampant in Hollywood). Fuck THAT. Are we really still witch hunting?!?! Why are we afraid of truth? Why can’t we reconcile that many times, there are multiple truths existing.
And Apathy. The problem is too big, what’s the point of trying to fix it? My one little voice/action can’t change anything. Stop believing the microcosm doesn’t reflect the macrocosm.
We’re afraid of the monsters under our bed. We run from our shadows and therefore condemn the shadows of others. We’re terrified of our Power and Light (or not having enough of it) and therefore extinguish or steal the Light of others. We’re afraid of our own limited existence, and thus run frantically to the fastest, cheapest form of escapism we can purchase. We punish, we don’t rehabilitate. We destroy instead of repair. We compete instead of collaborate.
We have fallen into a spiral of self-destruction. Humanity is destroying itself. We’ve been doing the same things over and over for thousands of years and are angry that we keep getting the same results.
It’s all fear.
Courage is a practice
It took me many years to act on what I stand for, to be in alignment with my moral compass - which by the way, did not happen in a vacuum, there were people who were instrumental in my “waking up.” The gratitude for them is eternal. With the support of a community (even if it’s only one voice) we can wake up, and then DECIDE to take action. This is why we need each other.
Courage is something I have to check in with regularly. And while my leaving a cult feels a bit “insignificant” relative to the broader injustices and atrocities present in our world right now, I think the more courageously we act on a small scale, despite fear, the more able we are to act on large scale in service to the greater good of humanity.
It takes bravery to go against the norm, the accepted, and yes, even the indoctrinated. It takes courage to leap into the unknown, the limitless possibility and potential, and reject what mass civilization tells you you should do. To face day after day the judgements and criticisms of those who do not understand you, are threatened by you or want to control you.
It takes courage to stand up to oppression, to continue to speak out and walk the walk in spite of threats of violence. To those heroes in history who’s names mark national holidays…let us act on their lessons.
Speak up. Speak out. Take action. Fuck the noise.
With each act of courage, we open the door for others to do the same.
Being wild
We get labeled as inappropriate. Controversial. Rude. Villainized. Propagandized. Smear-campaigned.
Better to be buttoned up, sit quietly and politely, fall in line and don’t rock the boat. Don’t you dare let your truth and wildness out. That’s what the uncivilized do, the dirty, the less than human “beings.”
I have played this game of “falling in line” like a good soldier, fighting someone else’s fight, living someone else’s life. Haven’t we all, at some point?
It’s been so deeply ingrained in our psyches, probably even genetically and energetically, it’s hard to tell what is OURS and what is the program? Do we even have Free Will?
Better to sit comfortably in a cycle of overconsumption of things to alleviate our underlying despair than to stand and face our despair. We don’t need a new outfit or a glass of wine. Fuck escapism. We need to wake up to the ways in which we’ve been indoctrinated and mass hypnotized to believe we are powerless, to stay in fear of each other and ourselves. Fear is not Freedom. Wake up.
I grieve at the way we have treated ourselves and each other since our existence. How we’ve oppressed, dominated and whitewashed the beauty and diversity of Life expressing itself into some sleek, sanitized, appropriate for consumption, well-trained, surgically altered, genetically-modified synthetic version of what it means to be human - and plant and animal. We are in disharmony. We are incoherent. We have become devoid of Life, slowly eroding our unique Soul imprints.
We weren’t created for this. We are magnificent, magical, intuitive, instinctual WILD beings. Wild doesn’t mean destructive or dangerous - as we [may] have been led to believe. Wild is being in harmony with all Life with seasons, rhythms, patterns. Sensing the hearts of others. Exploring. Loving, open and uninhibited. Capable of self-healing, self-mastery. Honoring and expressing the full spectrum of human emotion with grace - and witnessing it within others. Being wild is a radical act of rebellion against Fear. And it is radical acceptance of the full spectrum of duality, polarity and the multidimensional aspects of Life and Existence.
Where is the color in our paintings?
When do we sing our story?
When do we dance our song?
Where is our heartbeat?
Where is Love?
Where is Life? I am looking for signs of Life!
When do we come home to ourselves?
Post-Cult Life offers a spiritual perspective and approach to trauma recovery, deprogramming from modern day cult dynamics, the awakening process and finding your freedom (and true Self). Insights and opinions are based on my experience with narcissistic abuse and time in “a cult within a cult." Thank you for being a part of this community!
For more on my personal experience, refer to my first few posts. If you are looking for additional cult recovery resources, experts and information on coercion and mind control, here is what I have found to be accurate and useful:
the work of Steven Hassan, PhD. and his Freedom of Mind Resource Center
the work of Dr. Ramani
The Vow on HBO
WTF is on My Mind?! podcast
Trust Me podcast
the work of Rick Ross
the work of Dr. Janja Lalich
Abagail this post says it all for those who are “awake” and get frustrated and angered by the world that has colonized, oppressed and dehumanized so many … you speak to love over hate and courage over fear. Thank for these words and images, the art is of Rothko powerful in its simplicity and depth. ❤️
A beautiful, inspirational, powerful, poetic, real talk, epic call to arms for all of us, Abigail.
As per usual, we are on similar wavelengths. My next piece out shortly has "Stream of Consciousness" in the author's note as an explanation for channeling a few extra long pieces recently. Great minds something something ; ) Very nicely done, also as per usual.